27 July, 2011

Cinta & Benci...

bagaimana cara membuatmu bahagia
nyaris ku menyerah jalani semua
tlah berbagai kata ku ungkap percuma
agar kau percaya cintaku berharga
tak kuat ku menahanmu, mempertahankan cintaku
namun kau begitu saja, tak pernah merindu

sungguh aku tak bisa, sampai kapanpun tak bisa
membenci dirimu, sesungguhnya aku tak mampu
sulit untuk ku bisa, sangat sulit ku tak bisa
memisahkan segala cinta dan benci yang ku rasa

apa kau mengerti ku sedih sendiri
tanpa ada kamu ku merasa sepi

tlah lama ku menantimu, diam sendiri menunggu
setengah hati mencinta, ku sakit karenamu

repeat reff

woo ooo ku sakit karenamu

sungguh aku tak bisa, sampai kapanpun tak bisa
membenci dirimu, sesungguhnya aku tak mampu
sulit untuk ku bisa, sangat sulit ku tak bisa
memisahkan segala cinta dan benci

sungguh aku tak bisa membenci dirimu
sesungguhnya aku tak mampu
sungguh aku tak bisa, sampai kapanpun tak bisa
memisahkan segala cinta dan benci ooo
cinta dan benci ooo yang ku rasa



I had to do pithing for today's lab session. I didn't want to do it at first because I felt sorry for the frog. For the people out there who doesn't know what PITHING is, it is a procedure done on a frog to make it paralyze. Basically, what you do is...stick a hard sharp metal (a pithing rod) into the frog's cranial & you destroy the brain & then destroy the spinal cord.

Beat & another group member did the pithing at first but they were unsuccessful. The frog croaked and croaked... kept bleeding. They stuck the rod countless of times. I felt really sorry for the frog. I stepped in and did the deed. I did it once & the frog was paralyzed. Poor frog.

After that, I dissected the frog. I feel so bad for killing that frog. We run some test on the frog's heart. Checking out the reaction of Acetylcholine & Adrenaline to the frog's heart.

My group kept giving me instruction on what to do when they didn't even have the guts to do it. I won't pith another frog. Even if it's a 'humane' way to dissect. What I witness was not 'humane'.


26 July, 2011


Ever since Korean experience, I've been suffering from a swollen big toe. & there's pus coming out of it.

I had an ingrown toenail before & it was still healing. During Korean experience, a cute Korean kid stepped HARD on that big toe. Next thing I knew, my big toe is all swollen up. There's even pus! PUS! Ewwwww.

Pus = bernanah. Ewwwwwww & Sakit. I can't even wear shoes to disguise my hideous big toe =(


25 July, 2011


One me is not enough! Lots of things need to be dealt with.

I am only one person. Damn damn damn damn. Need to multi-task again. I want to undergo binary fission. Can ka?? Tension owh!

I feel like my hands are about to fall of my body. Too much juggling!


21 July, 2011

old blog..

This post still brings me to tears. Why is it, even though half a year has passed since he broke my heart, I still continue to wallow in my misery? I've told him before that if we don't work out. I'd most probably never fall in love again. I'd probably just turn into lesbian. Sigh...


choir guest performance.

Relieved that it's all over! I'm just exhausted these days. Juggling my classes and part-time job is already hard enough. Making room to go to choir practice is exhausting! My schedule is already jammed pack with class and work. I hardly get any off day these days since we're short-handed at work. I can't bail on my boss. I feel sorry for her. So, performance is done. So-so relieved.

Ok, now to the performance.

We performed 3 songs:
  1. Belaian Jiwa
  2. Malam
  3. Sinaran
In my opinion, we could have done better. We recorded the performance & the sound quality was awful. We weren't awful but we weren't great either. I just hope that the other members won't get cocky & proud. It wasn't anything special, you know.


20 July, 2011

performance rehearsal

last night, we had a performance rehearsal and so.... i wasn't suppose to sing solo but i did! The ensemble & I sang together though. I only had to sing two verse but damn, was I trembling. The stage was massive. I was so nervous, ya la...suara sumbang. What if I croaked?? I'd be so embarrassed! but the show must go on so I just sang..... kind of messed up the melody a bit. hihihihi. It was a good experience though =)

"not a video of me singing. just a video of the song we sang"


19 July, 2011

i miss you.

I know I shouldn't have but I looked at his newest pictures. I'm still hung up on him. I wonder when will I fall in love again but I know I don't have to go looking for 'Mr. Right'...

That reminds me, he was my Mr. A. Nothing last forever but I wish I had him longer. Gawd!!! I'm feeling so depressed! What's making me more upset is that his new girlfriend is posting all this mushy stuff & it annoys me..." ♥ ♥ ♥ " i love him first!!!!! arghhhhhh! KIN pANAS!

It's so unfair. Why does the one I love won't love me back... where did it go wrong?

Ish, my fault for checking out his wall. Benci. When will I realize that nothing good will come out of this? But damn, I miss you effing much.

"What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow"


17 July, 2011

MSU convo

This is the third time I've participated in a choir performance for convocation. Not really that nervous. Since I'm not singing any solos. & I got the lyrics down. Like every convocation I've been too, the most boring part are the speeches. It gets repetitive. & it's
always saying the same things over & over again. Sleepy ja dengar.hehe.

Song List:
  1. Setia
  2. Negaraku
  3. Universiti Pilihan
  4. Lagenda
  5. Sinaran
  6. Awan Yang Terpilu
  7. Ayah & Ibu
  8. Mama
  9. Budi & Jasamu
  10. Standing in the Eyes

Overall, it was an awesome day. Tiring but still awesome. Though it didn't go too smoothly but still, we tried our best.hehe. Plus, the food this time is super yummy. Yay!


15 July, 2011

Jika Cinta Dia...

Bosan bosan.hehehe. I took Beat karaoke-ing the other day. She kinda took a video of it. Just for fun. Not claiming to be good or anything.hahaha. Sorry 'bout the quality. The sound system had problems. Kasi kecil - kecil la tue volume =P

"Kau tinggalkan aku di saat ku butuhkan mu"


14 July, 2011

which would you choose?

friendship or love? both important.
  • a friend you've known since kindergarten. Sisters almost.
  • a guy you're insanely in love with. Dated for a few months.
Choose both, right?

But the BIG problem is that guy is flirting with your best friend behind your back. & your best friend is to afraid that she doesn't know what to do. You found out that your guy is flirting heavily with your best friend behind your back. He even tried to violate her.

Now, which do you choose?

The guy???!! *#&@!

Love got you blind my friend. Sigh. Wake up!


gagak gagak

"Gagak oh gagak. Kenapa ko sambar kepala aku."

"Bagaimana aku tak sambar. Rambut panjang sangat."

"Rambut panjang sangat."

So, I was attacked by a crow today. A crow = 1 crow. 1 very evil crow. I feel like a mice that an eagle had swooped down to catch. Bad luck for today. Sigh sigh sigh sigh...


13 July, 2011

Hate to admit it but...

I hate to admit it but I definitely don't want him to be happy. evil of me. A part of me is saying If I can't have you, no one else will.

"Sayang, kalau kita tidak jadi jangan simpan dendam ya." is what he said to me when I was still mourning.

I'm just a normal human being. I'm not a saint. I don't forgive & forget. I'm a scorn lover!!!!!!!!! I have feelings too. You broke up with me during the worse of times! I needed your support... I lost my dad for crying out loud and you broke my heart. You broke my heart!

Everyone tells me he's a jerk but I know him better than everyone else. He's not a jerk! I know him! I know him better than anyone else. I was the closest to him. I understood him but why doesn't he understand me. I gave you space to breathe. I gave you love. I gave you the best of me. All I want was the same thing in return. Not this hurt... not this pain... & definitely not this tears on my face.


i can't help myself...

Was looking at his pictures & I miss him. Macam mo pecah kepala fikir, where did it went wrong? I think & I think but it's still the same. Damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn.

"I don't ever want to be alone...they say I'm brainwashed but I'm in love with this man"


11 July, 2011

V's bday =)

Happy birthday darl. Sweet 25!!! So sweet of Beat to plan her a birthday party. =) despite her B-day actually
being on the 11th of July.haha.


10 July, 2011


2a.m....I have to work at 9a.m. Sick with a flu, fever...and a swollen tonsil. Sigh.. nothing's going right these days. I feel terrible & plain sick but I can't seem to fall asleep.

I'm just hoping that I don't lose my voice again. The last time I lost my voice for about 2 weeks!! My voice box got all swollen up & I had a manly voice for a couple of days but due to my stubbornness...(people told me to stay quiet & stop talking but I refused)... i lost my voice! So, I
had to go to the doctor's.

The nice doctor told me that I had used up my voice. My voice box is therefore swollen. I don't ever want to be unable to sing. Frustrates me...


07 July, 2011


"Hello, is it me you're looking for..."

Yes! New blog. Due to my internal turmoil, I decided to start a new blog. Didn't want to delete my old blog so I just left it as it is. I know I know, I shouldn't act like a hoarder & hold on to what's left of the past but I can't help it. So it will remain lingering in cyber space. It does have sentimental values but it's time for me to move on...like he did...like he broke my heart. OK! Enough with the sob stories about how I got dumped. Let's focus on something else for a change. Enough with the boy talk. Well, maybe a bit is alright. Since it is my blog.haha!

Well, currently single. Got a lot of fishes in the sea but I'm still having "me" time. Don't want to fall in love just yet. I'm glad I made great friends along the way. Without her, I'd probably still be sulking in my own misery & licking my wounds 100% of the time. So, thanks Beat!! Kasih mai kaban nuan tok buat thanks to you I feel better than I originally was. So, Yeah!!! ^_____^

[Smile even when you feel like crying]